BERLIN – Police have identified 36-year-old Johannes Van der Burgh as the primary suspect in Friday night’s gruesome nightclub slaying of 22-year-old Polish DJ Mark Borowski.

Van der Burgh — who was apprehended after police received several key leads from eyewitness testimony — confessed to the murder. He added to the confession by telling police that he was simply doing what “any vinyl purist would have done.”

Eyewitnesses state Van der Burgh was seen hastily leaving Berlin’s esteemed Berghain night club visibly distraught by something that had occurred inside. Further eyewitness accounts confirm that Van Der Burgh followed Browoski home to his apartment.

Borowski had just finished performing a set of big-room techno on the popular computer DJ software Traktor, a set that according to many other concert-goers left the audience frustrated.

“[Borowski’s] simplistic dynamics and preset loops would drag for 16, 32, or even 64 bars at a time,” says clubber Daniel Hirsch.

“It’s doesn’t really surprise me that he was murdered.”

Popular DJ software has been know to induce rage in older DJs who fear things are becoming “too easy”

Police arrived at Borowski’s apartment after receiving numerous calls from his neighbors who claimed they heard some sort of dispute arising from within his home.

Upon entry, police discovered a lifeless Borowski laying among two Technics SL1200 turntables. One turntable was covered in Borowski’s own blood, the other plugged in and still playing a copy of Kraftwerk’s “Man Machine.”

This must be a fake (cause I can’t find any other source), but it’s damn funny though (even if it really happened)…